The homeless crisis

 I relate to this woman's story.  In fact, it might have been the single most defining experience of my life; witnessing 1,2,3,4 family members with psychotic breaks and becoming a caretaker at a young age.  Involuntary hospitalizations, jails, psychiatrists, case workers, social workers, homeless shelters, etc. The bipartisan legislation, Lanterman-Petris-Short Act in 1972 made mandatory institutionalization of mental health patients by family members and civil courts illegal. That way a bad judge or vindictive relative couldn’t have you locked up indefinitely at a state hospital.  But what this did was put the onus on states to fund mental health facilities.  Not all did this effectively or at all and families were left having to care for their loved ones.  With the rising cost of living, let alone the psychological toll on family members, this left many people on the streets.  In my situation, I have been extremely blessed to have found property  for my loved ones in the state of Florida, which I can only explain as an act of God, or maybe a partnership with God, or maybe some guardian angels, my ancestors.  I've gotten the limited government resources available and become an expert in navigating beaurocracy, a necessary adaptation.  I've sometimes worried about my own mental health breaking down, having to care for others while raising a family.  Although I sometimes joke, if my grip on reality isn't gone yet, then I'm probably good. 😅 Although, I have seen 3 times in my life that psychotic breakdowns happen after the death of a loved one so you never know. It's important to know it can happen to anyone. I myself have limited support and I only have so much to give, but my conscience won't let me turn a blind eye to them.  I can't say I have a solution to this growing epidemic that we like to call the homeless crisis. Although I'd like to say we need much more mental health facilities, that will only be a band-aid for something I'm afraid is much deeper and more insidious in our culture that is probably the combination of many factors.  I know I'm not the only going through this.  Every single one of the homeless people you see on the street is someone's sister, brother, mother, father, son, or daughter.  If you are going through something like this know you aren't alone. The answers aren't easy and don't fall into the trap of blaming.  Connect with others in the same situation and know that there is a way to navigate the elusive and complex system we have today so that your loved ones can be safe and taken care of.

https://www.cbsnews.com/losangeles/news/2-on-your-side-alycia-schlesinger-mental-health-help/

America was a peaceful nation

I think about peace a lot.  What does it mean? How does it feel? What does it look like. I know there is a peace studies major but I know nothing about that.  I think about being in a natural oasis laying down.  A place with with different species of trees, oxygen rich, warm sunshine, butterflies, bees, insects that hover over grass and reflect sunlight.  I think of reflecting light off of chlorophyll, and  flocks of birds.  It feels like harmony.  There are animals nearby all focused on their own drives, none disrupting the others unless necessary.  All connected, like one.  

I then think about humans.  How do we achieve such a peace, within ourselves and with one another.  It may not be in human nature and it is okay to accept our darker side, that might be prone to greed, jealousy, hate and even violence especially when resources are scarce. Even when there was harmony within tribes, there was tribal warfare.  Something never seen in any animal species.  Our advanced brains allowed us to congregate, propagate, and compete with other groups for dominance.  Even the spiritual and peaceful Native Americans had bloody tribal warfare. 

How can we learn to live peacefully?  Isn't there not enough resources in the world to go around.  Is there not enough land to farm, enough abundance to go around.  How can we retain our identities and still live peacefully among each other?  What would be the incentive for peace, when waring means we can have more and when peaceful people historically have been persecuted?  How can we teach peace as a virtue and learn from our animal counterparts.  On the savannah, the different species all drink from the same watering hole with out attacking each other.  They know there is enough water and they know how to share.  How can we be like them?  Whether it be ethic background, religion, political ideology, or anything else.  How can we teach appreciation?  

The greatest model for all of this is the US.  Many of these concepts were taught to me in secular public school as a child.  Pop culture reflected these values.  Many of these themes have eroded.  Music, TV, news media, does not reflect the American utopia that we had only a few years ago. I predict the 90s will be remembered as the last great decade with memorabilia and collectibles worth a lot.  America is an example of a place where individual rights, peace, respect and appreciation for each other's experience have been interwoven in the culture.  But there have been dark periods in our history.  It's time to gain it back and continue to enlighten the rest of the world.  The tone of our leadership, our culture, and our institutions needs to be restored.  We are fluctuating as a country and that's okay.  I hope we find our way back again.

My journey to a religious life.

 I grew up with a solid foundation in faith and religion.  Aside from school, it was a dominant and containing force in my life.  A child takes these things for granted and it's not until later that their faith may be tested.  By the time I had turned 18, I had lost my faith completely and was a somewhat "at risk" teen.  If it weren't for a few instrumental people holding me together and showing me the way, I wouldn't be able to complete my education. The gift of these people was an act of God.  Throughout my college years, my faith was rebuilding and when I was in my first year of graduate school, I had my first spiritual awakening.  I would describe a spiritual awakening as connecting with a deeper purpose and feeling the presence of God in a more tangible way. My prayers no longer were asking God for things I wanted.  Instead, I lacked nothing, and asked God how I could give my abundant blessings to others that needed them more than me.  This shift in my way of relating with the world rekindled my spirit and I was often on cloud 9 as a new therapist.  It was a powerful time.  Of course, soon enough my faith was tested again, with the passing of my mother.  My world began to spin, I was no longer grounded, I was not in control of anything anymore and I knew it.  I regained focus on myself and decided to keep pushing forward no matter how I felt.  I grew my career, got married, and had a beautiful baby.  Facing turmoil around me and in the world with the pandemic, I tried my best to stay grounded in the incredible miracle in front of me, my son. There were also people I loved suffering spiritually around me, and incrementally my faith was eroding further, not even consciously.  I was absorbing so much negativity, I could not expel it from my post birthing body.  I slipped back into old ways of caretaking and neglecting myself.  I was disconnected and detached from others and myself, numb. This was just a new normal.  Again, God's outstretched hand saved me.  One Saturday, I decided to go with my baby to a nearby shul.  A powerful wave moved through me that day.  It hit me.  I had completely lost myself in my marriage and in being a mom.  Where was the fun girl that liked to smile, dance, joke, travel, and adventure? More importantly, where was my Judaism?  Why did I stray from it so far? When did that really happen? When did I lose my faith in humanity, myself?  In that moment, I pushed everything and everyone aside as a guttural reaction.  I began to experience yet another awakening, this time to the core of who I was as a child and remembered everything that I had buried and forgotten for possibly 20 or more years.  I was consciously returning to my core self, and it was Judaism that opened the door.  A few months later, my father passed away, which pushed me further into alignment as I was shaken to my core and was flooded with childhood memories. I was ready to heed the call although it was very scary as everything around me seemed to be crumbling and I was in immense pain.  The old me had to die to be born again. How great is God, to show me the signs, to save me, once again.  It was clear to me now.  God was saying, "It's your turn to heal. Here is your soul tribe."  For the first time, my faith is renewed, deeper than ever and by choice.  It's constant work for me the remove conditioned negative beliefs, conditioned roles and expectations, but through the love and acceptance of myself as I am today, I continue to stay true to myself.  A ritualistic life began to keep me in check and not let me succumb to other forces.  Which leads me to why I have chosen to begin the process of what I call "learning". There is no outcome in mind, such as, "I will become religious."  I am simply enjoying this process and it is the process I seek.  I am learning how to let go, how to trust, how to open my heart, how to give and how to receive.  I am relearning my purpose and my human essence. I am relating to the sages that were flawed and tested in bigger ways than me. There are no happy endings in their stories but there are meaningful lessons that are universal.  I am learning how to release and let go and relax. I am learning how to cook! All in the meantime, giving my son what his little soul needs to be nourished.  I am rejecting toxicity from others and the secular world. I am thankful to my ego for protecting me, but I don't need it anymore.  I feel like I am thawing, seeing with more clarity and regaining vitality.  I accept that as a spiritual person, that I must also compliment that with the application of ritual and practice, otherwise I may float in the wind to some other space that is not healthy for me.  I am enjoying the juxtaposition of psychology with theology.  Sometimes it's like 2 languages for the same thing.  But religion speaks to the heart and the core unlike any science that is intellectualized. Life is a very narrow bridge, and I am not afraid anymore because my trust is in God.  He is my king and I belong to him.

Idan Raichel - Beresheet (In the Beginning) עידן רייכל - בראשית

Thawing From the Pandemic

 As I have become closer to Judaism, I have also simultaneously found my voice and a part of myself which was buried.  You see, living life as a Jew with Jewish consciousness gives a whole new perspective of the world.  During the pandemic, I was swept away by the politics, protesting the COVID mandates, and heartbroken yet participating in the divisiveness.  I was sure I was on the enlightened side, as it usually is during any kind of debate or conflict.  I was heavily influenced by my sphere and and I was glued to the news.  There was almost no way to escape the belly of the beast and see things clearly and rationally.  It was an unprecedented time with an unprecedented political atmosphere in this country. From lockdowns to business closures to riots and rallies, marches, and protests. It was an inferno.  I experienced the political divide with family and best friends and it was heartbreaking.  I'm pretty sure there was no one left to see things objectively.

In 2022 the COVID hysteria died down some semblance of peace and order seemed to unfold with the new president in office.  A sense of healing and peace came over me too.  It was enough tension, division, and anger.  It was time to rise to our higher selves and let that be the past.  I moved on with life and suddenly found myself heavily involved in a Jewish community.  I returned to a place internally I hadn't even realized was lost.  I finally focused on myself for the first time in years, and I mean in a deeper sense.  In hindsight, I realized a few things.

In a tumultuous time in our country, I was easily swept away.  This was a reflection of how grounded I was in myself.  I found an identity in my political ideology which I don't think would have happened had I been grounded in something else like Judaism.  Today I still align with much of my stance on the events that took place but at some point I think I lost a grasp of reality and began to absorb a catastrophic view of the future of America, thinking communism had taken hold and we would never recover. I also did not see the man who was in charge at the time, Donald Trump, for who he was since he was so skilled at marginalizing and demonizing those that opposed him.  I realized now it was a tribality loyalty game, from both parties.  The polarization was extreme from those that hated him and from those that were loyal to him. While he was pointing out their dangerous game, they were pointing out his and both were right.   I do now see his rhetoric as jus as inflammatory as the news media. Today I do think personality matters as much as policy. Hitler was a moving and captivating orator whose ability to use his "us vs them"  ethics to rise to power.

I am appalled over reading over Trump's comments about American Jews in Israel.  He and other politicians speak about Jews like they own them like a continuation of the last thousand years where Jews did the bidding of the ruling class.  His comments are unforgivable.  His meeting with Ye and Nick Fuentes was the last straw and I don't buy that he was "unaware" of their ideologies.  Biden has made hugely racist and disparaging comments about groups of people too.  It is so low and disappointing.  

I see from my own eyes more clearly now from this vantage point.  Antisemitism is either covert or overt, but its always there.  The same goes for corruption.  The same goes for racism.  Whether it's covert or overt, its quite clear there we are still in trouble as a country.  From corruption and deep state, to the ushering in of democratic socialism and even communism, to radical and extreme right or left ideologies, to arrogant, narcistic leaders with volatility and irresponsible speech.  It's an extreme world, and we are seeing extreme responses from leaders.  This country has had many volatile periods though and somehow by the grace Gd only, always remained strong and resilient and better than it was before. 

I want to see a real leader come in next!!

My Father's Eulogy

Ronny Gali

May his memory be a blessing to everyone.

My father had an unconquerable free spirit.  The ocean and waves were his sanctuary.  He was at the beach daily and surfed at least a few times a week since I can remember. He was the parent that dropped off and picked me up throughout my school years. Instead of going home after school, we went to the beach, almost every day, for years. I'm not exaggerating.  I have memories of him slapping sunscreen on my face, cracking sunflower seeds with his mouth, being pushed out on the waves on his board. By probably 10 years old, I wasn't scared of the biggest waves in Huntington Beach.  Years we spent diving under waves, boogie boarding, collecting shells, dreaming about finding treasures or messages in a bottle. He was an ambitious entrepreneur but never made money his first priority over family.  He had an innate wisdom, like that of a child and a 100 year old man.  He said things like, "It's better to be somewhere in the middle.  You don't want to be too rich or too poor.  Too this or too that" and "It's good to be simple." He mastered balance in a way that was impressive.  He worked in the mornings, spent the afternoons with his daughters, and managed to get exercise and fun in for himself too. In the late afternoons, you could find him lying on the ground in our courtyard with his eyes closed, resting with our dogs. He had an artist's soul, appreciating the details and aesthetic beauty around him. He was very detail oriented.  At times he would stand still looking forward, just thinking, for several minutes (tears) imagining, creating, inventing. On holidays, specifically Passover, he led our family and often community in the Haggadah prayers. He had a beautiful voice and remembered how he would sing, "Echad mi yodea" and "Vehi Sheamda."  In our religion, he was the head of household, like my grandfather, and I'm sure, generations before him.  My father, with the DNA of millennia, had a holy air about him.  Although during the days he was a seemingly nonreligious man, in the mornings he would wrap tefillin and start the day in prayer. He was priestly. Together with my mom, my parents were a power couple.  They had a powerful loving and protective presence about them.  We had a holy home, and both my father and mother were holy souls.  He worked hard to instill a love of Judaism, Israel and Zionism. As kids, we would watch Israeli singalongs and visited Israel about every 5 years.  He taught me and my sisters how to look for ancient coins in the caves which he collected as a child.  I remember when I found a pretty clear Roman coin and my father burst out into a deep excited laughter and said it was clearer than any coin he had found.  The feeling I had in that moment is unforgettable. On Shabbat, the girls would make Israeli salad and we would eat Salmon, rice or couscous and salad religiously.  We grew up on a Mediterranean diet and had a tradition of hiking or being in nature every Shabbat. My father was an adventurer and an outdoor enthusiast.  I got my love of the outdoors from him. "Don't tell your mom" was not uncommon to my ears after we'd have near death experiences in the wild. Nature provided all the adrenaline he needed. We went river rafting in the trinity river when I was about 5 yrs. old and my neck got wrapped in the reeds of a tree and I was stuck under my inner tube.  I distinctly remember him diving toward me to get me out.  He was a sportsman - surfing, spearfishing, snorkeling, boating, fishing, hiking, swimming, and biking.  My father was also "cool".  With his Israeli accent, he would crack jokes, curse like a sailor, and knew how to connect with kids and teens.  Indeed, he was a father to all my friends as well.  He was a role model, a leader in his own right, and he left an imprint on the soul of all who knew him. He was an optimist and always looked forward and never back.  He knew what life was all about and he knew how to live it. My father valued Judaism, God, health, happiness, ruach, freedom, art, love, and friendship.  We will live on his legacy forever.

Am Israel Chai!

☊Moti Weiss- Al Aba Lo Shoalim Shaeilot☊